I’ve been unwell. There has been a glimpse into myself and I’ve found myself striving. A card I found gave some beautiful meaning to my writhing. The idea of “passing in and out of each season and remaining intact…both light and darkness can open up different worlds and ways of seeing” resonated with me. Bits of strength, wisdom and a strengthened relationship have surfaced through severe hallucinatory depression. I was in a position of standing up for my rights as a human through a very vulnerable lens. Somehow I did a better job of asserting my rights in a hospitalized atmosphere than in my everyday life. I called upon strength I didn’t know I had to figure things out and to lobby for my own health. Now two months in to this hospital journey I find myself still wrestling with restlessness and a sense of deep sadness. There is meaning to what is happening here and I believe more of it will be revealed as the days march on. Although I can feel the fear of how I may fail. I can feel the weight of what I don’t know. I will continue to write.