I’ve been actively working to remove should from my life. Along with this, need to and have to have been thrown out.There was a recognition of how much these words were keeping me stuck. So when they came up in thoughts and conversation I began replacing them. I knew, for me, they felt suffocating, restrictive, like I had no choice in life because of course, I should. The word rang of a set of pre existing standards that I was required to live by. They left no room for me, they were strict and limited. The amount of my life that has been ruled by should’s is staggering and I questioned it very quietly until now.
Right now, I don’t understand what place the word can hold in life that isn’t defiling to the soul. Based on the negative context of should, I began to wonder why it exists in our language at all. In definition it means to indicate obligation, duty or correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s actions. None of this sounds of much use to me and it calls to mind a quote from Parker Palmer ” burn out, violating my own nature in the name of nobility”. What is there I really HAVE to do? I am born and grow without having to do much. Choice remains even in circumstances that push beyond preconceived limits.
In learning about boundaries in relationships the word should appears to be a violation. Imposing expectations so I can feel comfortable, rather than delving into the complexities of being. Believing the way I see a situation now is the way it must unfold. This has been a particularly painful way of suppressing myself.
Recently Ive heard the should’s prevalently in tv shows, personal conversations and YouTube. They’re all over the place! Embedded in our daily dialogue. Should, what a weak word of indecision! Does the should offer security? If there’s a should, then the the path is defined. Does saying it ease guilt of what I wont end up doing? I thought of doing it, so that’s enough energy spent.
In investigating further, I see there are uses for should that have a place in language however obscure nowadays. The word itself holds no power, but the way my brain had learned to interpret it was removing vibrancy from life. The analyzing of its use in my life has taken away the negative power. I will continue to remove it and question every should with a WHY? If the answer is fear or conformity it will go no further.